Rules to Live in the Autobot Outpost Omega-1
by TransformersMangaFangirl
Summary: When you live with Giant alien robots, you have to follow some rules to not be accidentally stepped on, get over a embarrassing moment ou simply avoid being a victim of a Decepticon attack. Just follow these rules and you will be OK (for most of the time). Rated T for some nasty language.
1. Prologue

**Hi there! Here is my new fanfic. I read so many "Fanfics List" that I decide to make my own. This fanfic is connected with my other fanfic "TFP- A New Family". But you can read separately that there is no problem.**

 **Transformers Prime doesnt belongs to me.**

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Miko: Hello, this is Miko Nakadai-Pax, introducing "Rules to live with the Autobots". Ratchet insisted that we make this list, as he says it will be useful in the future. In my opinion, I think he just suggested that list to give us something to do and let him work in peace. Also, I don't think this list will be that useful; Nobody will stop doing the things that are on the list, just because it is written "do not do this/it is inadvisable/prohibited/etc".

Jack: So why you are still writing this list?

Miko: Because I have to admit it's fun to do it! Now call Raf and the others, to help me with that too!

Jack: (sigh!) Just because have anything better to do...

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 **I know, I know is short, but this is only the Prologue. The list you start right in the next chapter!**


	2. 1-10

**1) They take it good, if you have some porn magazine. But any catalog of cars, they will make a scandal.**

Jack: When Arcee saw my... "romance magazines", she just shrugged. It was almost as if she was already expecting it. But when she saw an old motorcycle catalog I had... well... she burned them. Scary...

 **2) Playing dead is so not funny.**

Miko: Arcee and Ratchet became hysterical. Bumblebee screamed like crazy. Optimus went into shock. Bulkhead started to cry... Maybe in years to come we'll remember that and burst into laughter.

Jack: I doubt it very much.

 **3) Do not start asking time-related questions (for example, "If you were human, how old would you be?" Or "How old are you guys?"), Everyone starts to get depressed.**

Miko: I can not believe Bulkhead lived that long. That means when I became a old woman, he will continue at the same way...

Raf: Stop! Or I'll start crying again!

 **4) When you be able to get a cute/embarrassing photo of Ratchet... RUN! As fast as you can.**

Miko: Until now, he could never catch me!

 **5) False alarms of Decepticons attacks are not funny.**

Jack: I do not even need to explain why.

 **6) Never touch Ratchet's tools.**

Miko: Except Raf. He can.

 **7) When Wheeljack is working on his bombs, stay away from his quarters for your own safety.**

Miko: I learned this the hard way. My head still hurts when I remember the explosion. Ow!

 **8) Taking photos with the bots and posting on Facebook is not a good idea.**

Miko: I have a huge sermon from Agent Fowler and Optimus. It was so not cool.

 **9) ALWAYS knock on the door, before entering the rooms of any bot.**

Jack: Those images will be in my mind forever! DX

 **10) If someone asks "Why do you live in a old military base," these are the best answers to give:**

-You cannot imagine how cheap the rent was.

-We liked design.

-Normal houses are so bland.

-We suffer from severe claustrophobia.

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 **Here is the first chapter. Did you think it was funny? Let me know.**

 **By the way, I'm acepting suggestions!**


	3. 11-20

**Hey! New chapter here! I hope you enjoy it.**

 **And Transformers Prime Doens't belongs to me.**

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 **11) Do not ask specific details of human anatomy for Ratchet.**

Ratchet: I'm a cybertronian doctor! I do not understand human anatomy! Stop asking me!

 **12) Each Autobot has their movie preference:**

Jack: Arcee likes romantic movies. Optimus likes anyone that has a happy ending (I think he needs something to cheer up).

Raf: Bee really enjoys the cartoons. Ratchet is more for the drama films ... but ironically, he also enjoys comedies.

Miko: Bulkhead and Wheeljack enjoy action and adventure. Is anyone surprised?

 **13) Never touch anything in Arcee's room**.

Miko: That goes for me too! Girls' rooms are forbidden territories for males of any specie!

 **14) Never give Espresso to Miko. Neither excessive energy drinks nor sweets.**

Jack: Normal Miko can be kind of annoying ... but Miko with too much sugar is ... scary.

Bumblebee: [I never thought I'd find anyone capable of speaking faster than Blurr!]

Arcee: Does anyone have any idea how she managed to climb the wall?!

Bulkhead: Since there was no way to make her stay still, we put her in a locked room (I did not want to, but even I was getting nervous to see her running like that!) And left her in there. Four hours later, we found Miko sprawled in the middle of the room asleep.

Ratchet: Since then, all energy drinks and sugar are locked in a cabinet being carefully monitored.

Miko: Fun-killer.

 **15) When making a poll of which Autobot is the strongest, do not do it in front of them, or things will get messy.**

Jack: Arcee was not pleased when she saw that she was last in the list. Said I was being sexist. It's not sexism, it's a fact! She is the fastest and most agile, but if she compares with strength she is the least strong among the Autobots! Not my fault!

Miko: The worst was Ratchet. He kept saying he should be above Bulkhead on the list.

Ratchet: I really should! I've knocked out Bulkhead once! I could do it again!

Miko: Technically, at that time, you had taken anabolic a.k.a synthetic energon. So it does not really count.

Ratchet: ...

 **16) Paintball is fun ... but then you will have to deal with the consequences.**

Bulkhead: You said the paint came out with water!

Miko: I thought it did ... (-_- ')

 **17) When you want to make war of water balloons, be very careful where you will aim.**

Miko: Ratchet was not happy when I hit the computer.

Raf: Me neither!

Miko: It was a small miscalculation. I wasn't mean to hit your laptop.

 **18) When traveling to the beach, look for a beach that is made of small stones. Sand is very unpleasant for the autobots and makes a huge mess.**

Jack: The sand got inside Arcee's joints and it hurt for her to transform. I needed a vacuum to help cleaner her.

Ratchet: The worst part was the sand that came on our pedes when we returned. It took weeks to finally clean the entire base!

 **19) Do not call Ratchet an "old and wise bot".**

Miko: I was making a compliment!

 **20) Toy spiders are forbidden.**

Bulkhead: Miko does not like spiders. In fact, she is terrified.

Arcee: I never imagined that a human could scream like that. Almost damaged my audios.

Bumblebee: [Although it was funny when she started to climb Optimus' leg. When she calmed down and realized what had done, they stood with a looks of "WTF?". It was hilarious].

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 **Give me some comments. They allways makes me happy. :)**


	4. 21-30

**21) When Miko seems very quiet, keep it close attention on her. She's up to something.**

Miko: I don't know what you're talking about (casting an innocent look).

Everyone: Riiiight...…

 **22) When in a battle, do not throw stones in the Decepticons. It might give a little help to the Autobots, but then you'll have to deal with a narcissistic Decepticon in your tail.**

Jack: Knockout did not like that I had made a scratch in his painting. Arcee had to save us.

 **23) Never call Starscream a "femme" (or something relative).**

Miko: Wheeljack was fighting Starscream. I couldn't resist and shouted "Jackie! Be a gentleman and do not hit the girl!"

Wheeljack: I have to admit that was hilarious!

Raf: Starscream did not like it. He started yelling "I'M NOT A FEMME!" And we thought we should get out of there.

 **24) Do not ask what is "yaoi", "omorashi", "tamakeri" or "futanari". You will regret it.**

Jack: Japanese are weird.

Miko: HEY!

 **25) Ratchet is very hysterical when it comes to diseases.**

Raf: Once I sneezed and he began to... freak out, saying I could be with flu, sinusitis, lupus, and I don't know what other kind of diseases. Actually, we were just cleaning our rooms and I sneeze with the dust.

Miko: With me, once my nose began to bleed (no apparent reason, as sometimes happens) and because of this, I stayed a whole day at medic-bay, suffering all kinds of examination! Not cool!

Jack: There was also the time a mosquito bite me. Do you know how many blood tests he did until he was sure that I hadn't been contaminated with anything?

 **26) When you have to go to a cold place, never make "the dare" with the autobots.**

Miko: We had been at an energon mine in the Alaska. And I challenged Jack to lick Arcee. It was the funniest thing I've ever seen!

Raf: Because of the cold, Jack's tongue glued to Arcee. In addition, she could no longer transform in to her motorcycle mode.

Arcee: I do not know what was worse: The fact that I was licked, or having to explain to Ratchet why Jack was stuck on me.

 **27) Do not ask stupid questions to Ratchet.**

Miko: I just asked Ratchet how long he thought it take for a giraffe to throw up.

Ratchet: And that question besides being stupid is disgusting! Yuck!

 **28) Do not call Bumblebee a "Golden R2D2".**

Miko: He was offended and did not talk to me for one week (of course I do not understand what he says, but even so, I was upset).

 **29) If you want to learn Cybertronians swears, the right place is Medic-Bay.**

Miko: You live with the Doc-bot, I bet you know a lot of swears!

Raf: Well... I admit I learned some... but I do not dare to repeat them.

Miko: What about Vince?

Raf: He's a son of a glitch, who should go to the slagging Pit!

Miko: XD

 **30) An excited Miko can be annoying ... but you'll never want to see a sad Miko.**

Bumblebee: [She sits in a corner, not talking to anyone or making a sound except sighs. It's sad to see. The whole base falls in a depressing mood.]

Wheeljack: Ironically, the only one who can make her go back to her normal-self is the Doc. We never understand why.

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Here is another chapter. I hope everybody liked. And I hope I haven't offended anyone with the Rule 24.


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